Post Pandemic Blues

As Debora Krizak prepares to return to the stage in Packemin's Mamma Mia! this month, she reflects on the challenges facing performers in her column Behind the Scenes.

How have performers coped with the crushing disappointment of cancellations during the pandemic, and now going from ‘zero to 100’ with the return of live theatre? Can they just bounce back?

If you’re anything like me, the last five months of lockdown already feel like a distant memory. At the time it felt like my worst nightmare revisited. Home schooling, countless hours of extracurricular activities on Zoom as well as auditions and self-tapes in my garage again, trying to make a living out of, well … nothing.

My new “normal” became daily Zoom gym classes, 10-kilometre walks around my neighbourhood and “it’s 12 o’clock somewhere” champagnes in my backyard. This lockdown was the real deal.  March 2020 was just the dress rehearsal. As the saying goes – “F U Delta”.

To make matters worse, I happened to turn 50 in lockdown. There weren’t any speeches, nor was there a fabulous party (where I didn’t have to stare at people on a screen) and certainly no ‘drunken Barbie’ calorie-laden cake that I had envisioned.

Some days it was bearable and some days it was almost fun (wine was involved). But then there were days when it was hard to breathe. Everything I had worked towards was gone. Gigs were cancelled indefinitely, and my husband’s business disintegrated for the second time in a year.

Fast forward 4.5 months and life is back to “normal” again. Overnight, the door swings open and after disengaging the autopilot, we attempt to pick up where we left off. Shows scramble to get rescheduled, competition for theatre space is real and suddenly we find ourselves thrust from zero to one hundred in a matter of days. As performers, we wear resilience like a badge, but do we ever bounce back? And not once - but twice. We’ve already lost so many talented and creative people to other industries over the past two years, but we will never know the cumulative toll it’s taken.

After emerging from this black hole, one thing I have become aware of are the survivors – the productions, the producers, the artists, and the venues who were literally on their knees but are now fighting back. Reigniting the flame and focusing the spotlight so we can all be inspired again.

When it comes to the spotlight, Trevor Ashley knows how to entertain. He’s an actor, singer, cabaret performer, producer, director, and all-round social scene ‘queen’. If there’s an opening night, Trevor will be there – that’s if he’s not in it or producing it himself. Trevor has run the full gamut of emotions, having endured the loss of so much work, and he is now having to find the energy and confidence again to put himself back out there. He was writing Carlotta: the musical, as well as rewrites for his latest project The Lyin’ Queen, when Covid hit, which inevitably led to the cancellation of the entire season.

“I think the anxiety of it all was the hardest thing to cope with. I happened to be in Queensland for a job in July, so I decided to stay up there,” Trevor told me. “I had quite a bit of survivor’s guilt for not having to do lock down. Instead, I tried to plan but soon found that people had lost their nerve and their appetite for risk. So, I guess I just stopped. I actually coped better by not trying to think too far ahead.”

Once lock down was lifted in Sydney, Trevor made his way back to NSW and launched himself straight back into producing The Lyin’ Queen. Going from zero to one hundred was most certainly a gear change that he wasn’t quite ready for. Trevor admits that his show fitness had taken a beating and that the thought of enduring a two-week run at the velocity he had previously been used to was quite daunting.

“Fortunately, there is a lot of positivity around and that really drives me. I’m chatting to people again and they seem brighter and more confident. I think, as an industry, we’re wary but excited. If it wasn’t for people’s generosity with their money and time, I wouldn’t have found a reason to keep going. I’m loving starting up again with The Lyin’ Queen. I know we could all do with a laugh!”

At the other end of the spectrum, there are other colleagues who have waited their entire lives to score a career defining role, only to have it ripped away from them. I first met Rob McDougall when my daughter was cast alongside him in Packemin’s Les Misérables.  A formidable talent and a much-loved company member, it was during his stint in Les Mis when he found out he had won the coveted role of Dr. Neville Craven in The Secret Garden, playing opposite Anthony Warlow. Rob was already busy with publicity and promotion for the show and had even recorded a duet with Mr. Warlow himself.

“Anthony had always been my inspiration to become a singer,” Rob said. “This was an enormous deal for me. There’s a distinct amount of luck and chance required for success in our industry. Knowing how lucky I was to get the role I did, playing against Anthony Warlow, it genuinely felt to me that I would never be that lucky ever again.”

The Secret Garden was one of the first shows to be cancelled in 2020. That was a devastating blow for Rob. He was immediately forced onto Jobseeker as he had already financially organized himself and his usual financial fallback – which is conducting and musically directing for the Department of Education – also dried up.

“The first six weeks of lockdown was spent in a crippling depression. I was drinking too much and living off a government subsidy. As with everyone else I knew, there was little contact with people and I began to put on weight because of diet and lack of exercise. I realised after several weeks of this, I would not survive the pandemic mentally or physically if I didn’t give myself something to focus on and work towards.”

Having always been a goal orientated person, this was the first time in Rob’s life that he found himself without a purpose. To get some control back in his life, he enrolled in an online Masters of Teaching (Secondary), which he has now completed. Planning as a performer/artist, however, has taken a back seat. The leading men roles are now on hold while Rob teaches full time to try and salvage some financial security. At the height of the pandemic, Rob even considered leaving the industry.

“I’m still not one hundred percent sure I have the fortitude to come back to the industry properly. It takes a lot of self-belief to be a performer and Covid took much of that away from me.”

Now that the entertainment industry is starting to re-open – again - I wondered if it might reignite the passion and motivate artists to start ‘putting themselves out there again’. Auditions are back in full swing and I’ve even commenced in-room rehearsals for Mamma Mia! (February 2022). But the anxiety is still prevalent. Will we be closed again in three months once a new strain hits our shores? Is there enough consumer confidence to keep filling theatres when shows can be cancelled at a moment’s notice? How do we keep moving forward while acknowledging the trauma that the past two years has caused?

“To be honest, I’ve found it difficult because of how uneven it has been,” Rob says. “Some states are open, others are not. Some pre Covid shows have come back, some have not. Some companies are doing well financially, others have folded completely. I find it hard when people say things like ‘theatre is back’ or ‘the industry is back’, because for a lot of people I know, including myself, it mostly isn’t. I don’t think we actually know what the final emotional, artistic and financial cost of the pandemic is, and I don’t think we will for a long time.”

One thing I do know is that it takes incredible strength and endurance to get this far, regardless of what lies ahead.

One foot in front of the other. Literally.

Mamma Mia! played at the Riverside Theatre Parramatta from Feb 11 - 26, 2022.